From Proving Yourself to Backing Yourself

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"A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." — Lao Tzu

I recently had a conversation with James McCulloch, CEO of Victim Support New Zealand, where he shared something powerful. Reflecting on landing his dream job at 27 managing 120 people across London's high-profile parks, he said: 

"There was this inner voice that was terrified and this outer voice of trying to be confident."

What a strange thing to admit. And yet, how familiar.

James described spending years in what he calls the "double use of energy" – thinking about what a competent leader would say before actually saying it, constantly managing the gap between who he was and who he thought he needed to be.

Sound exhausting? That's because it is.

The Hidden Cost of Proving Ourselves

When we're in proving mode, we're focused on being the answer. We become the bottleneck, the hero, the person everyone waits for. That can work brilliantly. For a while.

But then we move on. Or burn out. Or simply run out of hours in the day. And the whole thing stalls.

Research from The Leadership Circle shows that leaders driven by the need to prove themselves create significantly less sustainable impact than those who've made the shift to what’s called a "Creative" orientation. The difference isn't just in wellbeing. It's in the very nature of the change they create.

The shift to backing yourself changes the game. Not because you suddenly know more, but because the question changes. Instead of "How can I prove I'm worthy of this role?" it becomes "How can I create conditions for others to succeed?"

What Backing Yourself Actually Looks Like

Three years into his role at Victim Support, James found himself travelling the country, listening to staff share long lists of what needed fixing. His response surprised people: "I'm just the CEO. I can't actually do that much about it myself."

People found it kind of weird. They expected the superhero.

Instead, James said something more powerful: "All I can do is take your lists and go away and find some people to help me."

This is what backing yourself looks like. It's the quiet assurance that your contribution doesn't have to be everything – it just has to be yours. It's understanding that sustainable change isn't built by heroes working heroic hours. It's built by creating the conditions where others can do their best work.

James talks about his leadership team in language that's striking in its consistent use of "we" over "I". This didn't happen by accident. It came from deliberate choices:

Establishing boundaries like "unless it's an emergency, let's not email each other after 6pm". Being explicit about vulnerability: "We spend more time talking about each other and our wellbeing than we do about work sometimes". Resisting the seduction to be the rescuer. Building systems rather than providing quick fixes.

Questions Worth Sitting With

• Where might you still be operating from a place of proving rather than backing yourself?

• What would become possible if you saw your role less about being the answer and more about creating conditions for others to find answers?

The Invitation

The shift from proving to backing yourself isn't a single moment. It's a series of small choices about how you show up, what you prioritise, and where you focus your energy.

James puts it simply: "Maybe it comes back to what we've been saying: with age and experience, you kind of know deep down that you can make a difference. And the best way you can make it is to have better balance in your life."

What if backing yourself means trusting that your mere presence – your questions, your belief in others, your commitment to building something lasting – is already enough?

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Want to explore where you are on this journey? Take the 3-minute Leading Lasting Impact assessment: digbyscott.com/leading-lasting-impact

Ready for a deeper conversation? Book a time to talk.

You can listen to my full conversation with James on the Dig Deeper podcast here.