Everybody’s Viewpoint Makes Sense to Them

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On a recent flight, I got chatting with the lady sitting next to me. She was an Afrikaner who moved to New Zealand about 10 years ago.

We got to talking about US politics (it’s a topic of many conversations I find myself in these days).

She reckons Donald Trump is a hero.

Her belief goes against what many others believe. To many, Trump is seen as a destroyer, a dictator, a liar, and a cheat.

Let me tell you her rationale.

She sees her family in South Africa as victims of a corrupt government. Trump recently signed an order allowing resettlement to the US of Afrikaners ‘who are victims of unjust racial discrimination’ via a refugee program.

Now, she says, her loved ones have a greater opportunity to expand their horizons of possibility and move away from a corrupt system. She is excited about what could be ahead for them.

Is she wrong to think that?

Is she wrong to feel excitement for the people she loves to have opportunities for a better life?

I don’t think so.

I have a different view about Trump and South Africa. However, I am not her. I do not have her lived experience.

In that moment, I reminded myself that everybody’s viewpoints make sense to them. 

I chose not to argue the point with her. Instead, I listened and asked questions to try to understand her perspective.

We can easily feel the draw to critique whether she’s right or not. But that’s not the point. The point is to expand our own perspective.

If you want to connect with someone, let alone influence them, you first need to meet them where they’re at. 

Without judgment, and with curiosity.

You don’t need to agree with them to be able to listen to them.

Imagine if I’d tried to tell her she was wrong. Where would that have taken the conversation? Likely, it would have been a feisty argument, with not much learning going on.

Instead, I came away understanding more of how she thinks. And I now have a deeper appreciation of how many others in a similar situation might think the same.

This gives me a greater awareness of the complex, rich tapestry of the global society that we all live in. Which is useful when I am looking to share a message of my own. I can now factor in a broader range of viewpoints.

The next time you find yourself at odds with someone’s perspective, remember that everybody’s viewpoints make sense to them. 

Ask questions to understand, and see what you learn. Aim not to prove your point, but to improve your viewpoint.