Keep Showing Up
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When it’s all new, it can be hard to find your footing.
The best advice I can give in situations like these is: keep showing up.
In the suburb I’ve moved to, I don’t know many locals. I’d like to.
Where do people like me go? To places I like to go. The local cafe.
The local cafe has a local vibe. It’s clear who the regulars are. There’s an easy banter between them and the staff.
You know that feeling when you go into a new place? And a part of your mind says, “They know I’m not from around here. They’re all looking at me”. Probably not true, but it’s in my head nonetheless. It’s uncomfortable.
Yet, connecting to my community matters to me. So I’ve been going back four or five times per week each morning in the three weeks that I’ve lived there.
After the first week, I’m having good banter with the barista.
After two weeks, he remembers my name and some of my backstory (and vice versa)
After three weeks, he asks me, ‘The usual?’
Have patience with the process. Real connection takes time.
The same approach worked for me when I arrived in New Zealand over 17 years ago, with a scant network. I kept showing up at my local windsurfing spot, being friendly but not overbearing. It took me a year to get invited for a beer (it probably would have been quicker if the conditions were more consistent). Now, some of those guys are my best friends.
The pattern is universal, whether it's a cafe, a windsurf beach, or a boardroom. It's about creating familiarity through presence.
What I've noticed is that consistency creates opportunity. At the cafe, daily visits created space for casual conversation that evolved naturally. At the windsurf spot, regular appearances built recognition and eventually trust. There's something powerful about being a reliable presence before you become a significant one.
There's something called the Mere Exposure Effect. This psychological principle, researched by social psychologist Robert Zajonc, shows that we naturally develop preferences for things simply because they're familiar to us. Exposure over time = familiarity.
In any new situation - a new job, a new team, or the opportunity to shape a new direction for your organisation, the best thing you can do is to keep showing up. Bring your authentic self into the space regularly. Ask questions. Listen. Contribute when it feels right. Keep engaging. Become a part of the energy of what's happening. You'll soon become integral to it, and the ride will be all the sweeter.
Think of it this way: it’s like entering a flowing river. At first, you're conscious of being separate from the current, feeling the resistance. When you keep showing up, it’s like allowing yourself to join the flow, gradually becoming indistinguishable from the water around you. Not by force, but through gentle persistence.
Showing up can feel uncomfortable at first. Keep showing up, and bit by bit, and you’ll find your flow.
Where might you need to keep showing up in your life right now, even when it feels uncomfortable?