To listen well is an act of attentiveness. But attention on what?

What do we actually pay attention to when we listen to someone else?

Most of us would say ‘the words they’re saying’.

Yes. Yet that’s only part of the story.

There are two ways we can listen: horizontally, and vertically.

Horizontal listening is listening to something through time. For example, when we listen to the melody of a piece of music from start to finish, we’re listening horizontally.

The ‘horizontal’ bit comes from how that music looks written down. The notes are written as they’re played over time, going from left to right.

Vertical listening is listening for what’s going on at any one point in time. For example, listening to how many instruments are playing at the same time in that piece of music. Here’s how that looks.

Horizontal listening gives us one dimension of what’s happening. Vertical listening gives us richer nuance. Together, they give us a much better chance of getting the full story.

Which is what we want from any conversation, right?

Listen for more than the words

When you listen to someone, what are you listening for?

Are you listening to only the words, or for other things as well?

I suggest you go beyond the words. To listen more vertically, here are some things you could try:

1. Listen for the tone. How would you describe it? Is it upbeat? Flat? Defensive? Open?
2. Listen to yourself. Not just your words. What’s your self-talk? How are you feeling? How is that shaping how you’re responding?
3. Listen for what’s not being said. What’s waiting to come through? What needs to be voiced?
4. Listen for the meaning. What’s the overall meaning being made in the conversation?

Pick one from the list above and decide to pay attention to it in your next conversation. And see what happens.

BONUS: Here’s a little challenge for you: how many instruments can you hear playing in this piece of music? https://app.soundstripe.com/songs/16672

Note: thanks to Oscar Trimboli for the inspiration behind the list of what to listen for. Oscar is a true master of listening well. Check out his listening quiz here.

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