Last week I shared a post on LinkedIn that started with the line ‘Age is no barrier.’ It was about my most recent surfing and windsurfing trip to Western Australia - an annual pilgrimage where I camp with a bunch of mates in a remote spot in the north-west. At 56, I’m the youngest of our crew of six. The oldest is 70. And they all still charge hard. It’s inspiring to be around these older role models - people for whom age is no barrier to doing what they love to do most.

And here’s the thing: they give less f@cks. They’re at a stage in life where they know what matters most to them. They focus on that. And they don’t worry about the rest.

Since returning from that trip, I’ve noticed a theme in many of my conversations: many leaders I’m working with have less f@cks to give. Here’s some examples of what I’m hearing:

‍“You know, I’m beginning to realise that most of the stuff I’ve been worrying about doesn’t matter all that much. Only a few things really matter.”

‍“I’ve spent so long worrying about what others think of me. I’m at a point where I don’t care so much about what others think now. It’s very freeing.”

‍“That stuff I told myself needed to happen by Christmas? Well, nah, it can wait until February. No biggie. It’s not worth the stress.”

I can relate to all of it. As I’ve gotten older, I’m less worried about upsetting people, or being liked, or whether something I create is perfect. I just don’t care so much. 

It is very freeing. I feel less hurried. I’m more on purpose. I feel more like I’m making the impact I want to make.

What’s going on here?

Here’s what might be going on:

    •   Covid, and other adverse situations (like the redundancies many people are experiencing right now), have forced more of us to reflect on what matters most and           what we truly want out of life

• People are tired of the grind. Something has to give
• The clients I’m working with are at a stage of life when it becomes less about proving themselves, and more about making a significant impact.

Those points are all likely true. I’m most curious about the last point. Let’s have a closer look at that.

The ever-curious author and speaker Derek Sivers has a brilliant saying ‘Hell Yeah or No’. He even wrote a book about it. His premise is in the first half of life, we’re better off saying ‘yes’ to as many things as possible. This gives us a rich array of experiences to learn from. As we age, we reach an inflection point where we’re better served by saying ‘no’ to pretty much everything except what’s a ‘hell yeah.’

Why? Because we realise that there are probably fewer days ahead of us than behind us. 

Beyond the inflection point, we begin to place more importance on making those days as meaningful as possible. Because as podcaster Jonathan Fields says “we’re not guaranteed any more days.”

First, we accumulate, then we edit.

These ideas align with the teachings of psychologist Carl Jung, who said:

‍“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.”

Part of the let go is giving less f@cks. Adult development experts call this the shift from the socialised mind to the self-authored mind. The Socialised mind takes its cues from the outside world to determine what is good, right, and safe. Those cues include others’ opinions of you. The Self-Authored mind is less concerned with those things and is more inner-directed, particularly by a sense of higher purpose that serves a need beyond the self.

As I’ve written about before, we become less of the hero, and more of the host.

In today’s world, I reckon we need more people who give less f@cks about things that don’t matter, and more f@cks about the few things that do.

This is where true leadership begins. (Oh, and the leadership ripple effect is to create cultures where this is the case every day - but that’s a topic for another post).

What can you give less f@cks about now? And what meaningful impact do you really want to have?

Digby

P.S. That LinkedIn post I mentioned above post prompted a conversation with one reader who shared his perspective:

‍…there may be two different groups in that over 50’s [set of the population]. One group, the traditionals who see it as a time to let go, slow down, and just glide into the eventual exit, and the newer group who are, if anything, upping their game, making the most of their gifts and experience and continuously living life fully. I'd like to think that latter group should be promoted for the sake of all. 

Here’s to the latter group!

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