influence

How To Tip The System

Recently I was working with a group of about 20 people at a residential workshop. It was morning tea time and we were all gathered in a room relishing our caffeine top-ups.

As facilitator, it was my job to keep people on time. I considered how I’d let them all know when it was time for us to move back to the main room. I had a few options:

  1. Quietly walk through the group and tell each and every person individually that it was time to move.
  2. Stand up on a chair and holler to the whole group “it’s time to head back in!”
  3. Find an easier, simpler way to do it with minimal effort.

I experimented with the third way. This is what I did:

I walked to the back of the room, the furthest spot from the door. A couple of people were loitering there. I quietly let them know it was time to move back in to the workshop room. They started moving towards the door, through the crowd.

And what do you know? The rest of the people picked up on this slight shift, and within 30 seconds, everyone was moving back to the room. Job done. No sweat.

This is an example of what I call ‘tipping the system’. Seeing the group as a self-organising system, finding the points in the system that look like they will give you the most leverage for the least effort, and levering those to ‘tip it’.

Let’s look at the other options and their pros and cons.

Option 1: Tell everybody individually. Mechanical management. Inefficient. I would have ensured that everybody got the message, but it would have taken a long time. Meh.

Tip The System 1

Option 2: Stand on the chair. Hero leadership. Disempowering. It would have achieved the outcome, but it makes me the focal point. It sets up a subtle leader / follower dynamic where people can become reliant on me for telling them what to do. Double meh.

Tip The System 2

 

Option 3: Find the tipping points. The way I did it was through a systems lens. My role as ‘leader’ was to tip the system to effect the change I wanted to see. With as little effort as possible.

Tip The System 3

 

This is a micro-example from which the lessons can be applied to more macro situations. Large-scale change initiatives come to mind. Evolving team culture. Getting an idea to go viral.

It’s about seeing and working with the patterns. Similar to how the best surfers learn to read the patterns of the waves and currents, as I’ve written about before.

It’s also about not trying too hard. Here’s a great example of how to get a group of people to organise themselves in a certain way by providing just the merest of instructions:

 

Here are some guidelines for tipping your own system with more grace and less effort:

  1. Define the outcome you’d like to see.
  2. Notice the system that’s at play.
  3. Look for the leverage points.
  4. Lever those points.
  5. Get out of the way.
  6. Notice what happens.
  7. Repeat steps as required.

 

It’s worth noting that the points of leverage will often be a few key influential people. In my example above, the leverage points were the couple of ‘key influential people’ that were standing at the back of the room. Not because of any authority they carried, but simply because of where they were situated in the room.

The key is to adopt an experimental mindset. Be like a scientist. Treat it lightly and don’t force it. Be curious. You can learn more about this approach in my post ‘How To See’.

So, what outcomes are you trying to achieve? What is the nature of the system that’s at play? Where are the leverage points? Get experimenting, then get out of the way and notice what happens.

 

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The Three Letter Word

But

Lurking in our language, there’s a number of naughty words that we have conveniently categorised as “Four Letter Words”. You know what I’m talking about.

Most of us typically utter these offensive tones to express our dislike of something, or someone. If you’ve ever been the unlucky “someone” on the receiving end of such an outburst, you’ll know that it tends to cause offence, and doesn’t do much for the relationship you might have with that person.

So we tend, as a rule, to avoid using Four Letter Words, at least if we’re interested in building a positive, trusting relationship with the people we deal with in day to day life.

Unfortunately, there’s a “Four Letter Word” that has been more cunning than most. Like a computer virus, it has disguised itself as a benign part of our language, embedded itself in our communication system, and is causing havoc without us even consciously knowing it. Whoever invented this word was sly indeed – they disguised it as a three letter word, while having the same offensive force as the common, garden, four-letter variety.

The word? “But”

It shows up everywhere. Once I began to notice the “But” phenomenon, it appeared incessantly. The first time I tuned into it was on the radio, when I heard a prominent politician saying something along the lines of “we have consulted with the local residents on this issue, and we fully understand where they are coming from. But our advice from the experts is that …blah blah blah…We will give both sides of the story full consideration blah blah blah and come to a final decision.”

My translation? “We are siding with the experts on this one, and we don’t value the residents’ point of view.”

Words create worlds. Our language we choose to use betrays our thinking. What the use of “but” said to me in the above example was that this person’s mind was already made up, and he was going with the experts. On the surface it may appear that he was being objective and impartial. At a deeper level, if you really listen, you can hear the real thinking and intention behind his talk. All because of one little three letter word.

In many cases, the use of “but” says “Ignore everything I have just said, this is what I really mean.”

Further examples:

“You did well in covering all the relevant points in that last report, but you need to work on cutting it down” (Translation: “Your report was too waffly and I think you need to be more concise.”)

“I love you, but your nose hairs are too long” (Translation: “I don’t find you attractive right now.”)

The upshot? We often trigger negative responses in other people, either at a conscious or subconscious level, when we unwittingly use the word “but”. Responses that could include defensiveness, frustration on outright anger. In trying to be nice, in attempting to be seen to be offering a balanced view, things can may not go as well as you’d hoped. You may not get the buy in you’ve been hoping for. In my experience, people, at some level, get a sense that you are not saying what you really want to say. Trust, at some level, breaks down.

By the way, if you really want to break down trust, forget “but”, and try “however” – and watch the relationship dissolve before your eyes…

So what do you do if you want to get your point across and maintain the relationship? Fortunately, there’s an easy solution. An antivirus, if you like. And it comes in the form of another three letter word.

That word? “And”

Try replacing “But” with “And” in any of the three examples above. Consider this: “We have consulted with the local residents on this issue, and we fully understand where they are coming from. And our advice from the experts is that …” Does that sound like a more truthful, and potentially more effective way, to building trust and credibility with the audience?

The trick is that “and” has the effective of building on what has been said previously. “But” tends to negate. The speaker is genuinely heard to be offering a more balanced point of view when they use “and” rather than “but”.

You might take a moment to reflect on how often you’ve used the three letter word today. My guess is, that if you have, it hasn’t been intentional. Most of the time, we say it without giving it a second, or even first, thought. And what effect does it have on your audience? What effect do you intend having?

 

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Networking For When It’s All Too Hard

A lot of people say that networking is hard, and they’re not good at it. And, we know (or at least, we hear) that a healthy network is good for us. So there’s this tension that we live with. If you’re one of those people feeling that tension, let me help you ease the pain.

If you want to know how to build and sustain a useful network, and you read nothing else, just act on these two ideas:

  1. Keep a few key people close.
  2. Find simple ways to add value to everyone else.

(more…)

Three Things I’ve Learned This Year

Before you check out for the year (at least in the southern hemisphere, where summer holidays beckon!), now’s a good time to reflect on what you’ve learned in the past 12 months. You’ve come a long way since January. What has living another year taught you? Here are three things I’ve learned this year:

  • Experiment more.

    If you want to get an idea moving, frame it as an experiment. I’ve accelerated a bunch my initiatives this year because I decided I didn’t need them to be perfect before I started. More production, more learning. All good.

  • Be the flower, not the bee.

    Bees fly around chasing the pollen. Flowers have the pollen, and bees come to them. Strive less. Decide what you’re about, let people know, and do your thing consistently well. You’ll attract more of what you want.

  • Meet ‘em where they’re at.

    You might have the best idea in the world. But unless you can show people that you ‘get’ their world, their concerns, in their language, it won’t fly. If you want to influence, build and cross the bridge between your idea and their issue.

My most inspiring sources of insight? Besides life’s experiences, I’ve found the words of Derek Sivers (of TED’s “crazy dancing guy” fame) grounded and insightful. And for a rich podcast with a wide range of perspectives, I love The Tim Ferris Show.

So, now my plan is to carry these insights forward into 2016 and use them wisely. And to stay curious for what else I can learn!

Flower

What have you learned this year? Please leave a reply.

 

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